Morning Dreams
8" x 10"
Watercolor
Monday, July 29, 2019
Tuesday, July 2, 2019
Graham crackers
The baby woke up as the husband left to go rock climbing. I went upstairs to try to rock her back to sleep. The toddler crept in quietly, and then spit graham cracker all over the baby's face.
Thankfully she ran away. She ran away to her room. So I just shut the door behind her. Then I went to our room to clean us up in our bathroom and to cool off.
All days include their ups and downs. I know I don't feel good, I know I'm extremely tired... But I feel like I failed all day today.
Isn't that silly? Failed at what? Parenting? Does anyone win at parenting? We did projects, we read books, we sang songs. I promised myself I would shower today, and I probably still will. So failed at what?
I'm really not sure.
I cooled down and we all did bedtime books and songs. "Book time"... Tiny baby girl fights to eat the book, eat me through my shirt and the exasperated toddler grits her teeth over crumbled pages and tries push the baby off her side of my lap to get more space.
I give them all I can and I understand it's all right, that in their books, it is not enough. Most of the time I know this and I move on. Sometimes I know this and I am sorry for them.
Then there's me. When do I get a minute? Soon enough I know. Maybe a few more years yet but time for myself to walk my dog, drink a hot cup of coffee and take regular showers will be here soon enough.
Motherhood is weird. It's amazing, lonely, inspiring and full of tears over odd things...
Like laundry, grainy apples and Graham crackers.
Saturday, January 19, 2019
Monday, January 7, 2019
Thursday, January 3, 2019
Thursday, December 13, 2018
Thursday, August 23, 2018
Sunflowers in Sunlight (Original Art)
'Sunflowers in Sunlight'
20" x 40"
Acrylic, Oils
Available
This painting of Sunflowers in Sunlight was created thinking about the seasons of life. Our paths can be gloriously messy, just like sunflowers. Yet if we grow, as sunflowers do, with our faces turned to the light, there is a great deal of grace and beauty to be found.
Sparrows in the Rain (Original Art)
Sparrows in the Rain
16" x 40"
Sold
This original abstract painting was done with paints in deep and bright blues, yellows and a touch of red to hint at the flowers in the grass. It was done on a on a 16" x 40" x 1.5" canvas using Gesso, Varnish, Gloss Gel, Acrylic, Oils and Alcohol.
Finding out I was expecting our unexpected second child this painting was born from an internal cleansing rain. Uncertain and a fear apprehensive, her light felt as strong as sparrows, who are small, but powerful birds. I found reassurance knowing her arrival was a symbol of joy, simplicity and friendship.
The work has been sealed to help protect against fading. Edges are painted, see photos. Comes ready to hang with a sawtooth hook.
Wednesday, August 8, 2018
Where there is Love, there is Life
Two years ago, beloved family and friends gathered to throw my husband and I our baby shower. There was laughter and food and oodles of sweet and generous gifts.
I remember my uneasiness, an uneasy uncertainty as I was surrounded by so many veterans and recognizing , truly recognizing, this quiet pact among women, was this a club I don't know about? What was this tenderness, watchful kind chagrin I saw in all of their eyes?
It felt like I was looking into a room that each woman had and held as their own.
I was thirty six years old and I had had plenty of time to define many aspects of my self identity. I thought I saw me quite well and I was comfortable, generally, in my own skin.
There were moments I had questioned some of my assumptions. Go back another two years and welcome to the weeks first following after I stopped taking birth control....
I started sleeping better than I had slept since I was seventeen... I got off sleeping pills, stopped having my monthly recurring yeast infections, my skin glowed, lost seven pounds and my libido took off. I was energized, motivated and voluntarily reduced my caffeine....
I felt like I needed to reintroduce myself to myself; 'Hi, I'm Emily. I don't have neurotic thoughts at bed time -I just go to sleep, my skin is behaving like it should in my thirties and not in my mid-teens and my body is relaxed and in-sync with itself...'
Well sort of.
A drawback I would late find out later was that nearly twenty years on birth control had high jacked my reproductive system. In order to conceive I was going to have to do a bunch of humiliating reproductive tests and not fun drugs to jump start my system.
Quick interjection: I am grateful birth control was and is an option for me. Emotionally, mentally, I needed time to discover, to live and be me. I wish I had understood there were possible implications after taking it for so long - at least for me. My path through (relatively brief ) infertility was difficult and emotionally for me.
A drawback I would late find out later was that nearly twenty years on birth control had high jacked my reproductive system. In order to conceive I was going to have to do a bunch of humiliating reproductive tests and not fun drugs to jump start my system.
Quick interjection: I am grateful birth control was and is an option for me. Emotionally, mentally, I needed time to discover, to live and be me. I wish I had understood there were possible implications after taking it for so long - at least for me. My path through (relatively brief ) infertility was difficult and emotionally for me.
And last: birth control needs new research. There is tons of new research for dudes in their fifties to get it up better. Ladies -Birth control options have changed very little in over twenty years!
Back to the baby shower...
At the end of my baby shower, my sister in law presented me with a glass jar. Stuffed to the brim were small notes written on pretty paper, each rolled up and tied with gold ribbon. At the very bottom of the jar were thoughtful self pamper gifts that ranged from a home made clay mask to a smaller glass jar of a lavender foot soak and a range of chocolates.
This dear creature explained she had written to each mother in my family, and extended family, and sent a piece of the decorative paper. She had asked each to write their advice, something they wish they knew or perhaps just a simple thought about what motherhood, what parenthood, meant to them.
I felt welcomed, in that moment, to every one of them. I was humbled and grateful.
Life would get busy fast though and I didn't actually open them until at about two months postpartum. It was a cold and lonely and exhausted November morning when I read each one.
Life would get busy fast though and I didn't actually open them until at about two months postpartum. It was a cold and lonely and exhausted November morning when I read each one.
As I unrolled and read the quotes, the scripture versuses, the memory, the kind insights - each hand written, I laughed and cried a bit in relief and joy.
Parenthood transformed me. I was a different version of me at the moment of entry. Upon walking through the door I found out how flawed I was, how small I was, how gorgeous fragile and rare life is.
Motherhood is strange and beautiful. I have never doubted myself so deeply, irrevocably trusted my instincts so completely and simultaneously felt so alone and loved.
Parenthood transformed me. I was a different version of me at the moment of entry. Upon walking through the door I found out how flawed I was, how small I was, how gorgeous fragile and rare life is.
Motherhood is strange and beautiful. I have never doubted myself so deeply, irrevocably trusted my instincts so completely and simultaneously felt so alone and loved.
We are naturally, unexpectedly, delightfully expecting a second child this next January. When I first suspected, instead of the uncertain mixture of fear and excitement I felt when I suspected our first gorgeous treasured little, this time I felt joy.
Deep, unwavering, sunlit joy.
Monday, July 30, 2018
Sunflowers in Sunlight (Original Art)
Sunflowers in Sunlight
20" x 40"
#oilpastels #acrylic
I think I will hang this with wire and eye hooks due to its size and weight. I will post it up on Etsy soon. $1000 and if sold locally, I would love to deliver it rather than ship it.
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