Friday, July 25, 2014

Possibility

She is slender and very young.  Just old enough to be allowed into this little eclectic Portland bar. Perched on bar stool, wrapped in a pretty summer dress, legs crossed and shoulders hunched forward over the bar; her body language declares "Do not disturb".

I had to lean across her to order but I flashed her a quick "sorry " smile as I did.  Looking up and seeing a female face she returns a tight one, curling herself tighter around the little hand bound journal in front of her.

My inadvertently rude glance at her elegant cursive catches a few words "I'm struggling, I can't explain what I feel..."  and I am sympathetic as jerk my eyes away.  The rush of fellowship is familiar. I was this girl. Granted on the the other side of the country but I was her.

I have a giant bin full of journals from this time in my life. It's so heavy I can't pick it up.  I would write and write and draw and draw.  I still do, of course, I am writer and an artist. But it was constant then, literally, every moment, my fingers struggled to get my words out.

I look around at the world, at all these people with so many different temperatures in temper and conflicting points of view -so many hearts convinced it walks alone.  I wish I would pull over and talk to that old man on the bus stop I see each morning.  I am grateful I reached out to that old lady in the store who needed someone to see her and listened to her stories about beloved cats and grand-babies. I regret I didn't leave a little bigger tip to that waitress; I wanted the check and found her by the kitchen door and heard her whisper, "I am invisible." before I startled her with my approach.

I breathe my wish to this girl, that she sees forward to all her possibilities. My eyes find the bartender, my voice startles my ears back into hearing; I order my drink.


Monday, July 7, 2014

Monday, June 30, 2014

'The Bug', Ego and a Vaccine

Our perception of self worth and value tends to be deeply aligned with our pesky testy fragile ego and as such it is an incredibly powerful aspect of the human condition, ego can be a serious force to reckon with.

I have my own ego issues, of course, but they are not usually sports related. God and fate did not see fit to give me a reasonable sense of spacial awareness or much by the way of eye hand coordination.  I respect the high possibility I may die carrying the laundry down the stairs some day. So when it comes to sports, of any kind, I hold myself back, take extra care and never compare my progress to others.

And this detached approach works well for me.... Until I catch 'The Bug'.

'The Bug' happens when I get really interested, invested and begin to see 'Dramatic Improvement'. Symptoms include an awakened fiercely competitive six year old self, hair brained determination and a complete lack of concern for possible bodily harm. Having the 'The Bug' means that I will now measure my progress with a ruthless and unforgiving memory.

Skiing is a great example.

I started skiing on gentle runs in the rolling sprawling hills of Harrisburg. I loved it; each time was chaotic movements in a splendor of heavy snow and coupled with fantastic car wheels.

Then I moved to Utah and had a couple of days on snow accompanied with the skilled aid of my dearest. Having grown up skiing on a racing team in Utah, he is more than proficient, ridiculously fast and a persistent instructor. Under his tutelage I went from sort of up right and mildly paying attention to showing some assemblage of 'Dramatic Improvement'.

I remember my first run taken with 'The Bug' and an inkling of confidence... As of that run, I have clobbered my face, free fallen, lost skies, blacked out and seen the inside of the First Aid office at Snowbird and Alta. In the name of 'The Bug' and my burning desire to be awesome; I have become a fanatical devotee to my crusade -despite my natural state of klutz.

Getting 'The Bug' is not a given occurrence though.  Scuba diving, for example; My darling introduced me to the world of diving years ago but the whole thing only enhanced an already acute awareness of my squish-able self. Diving is cool, awe inspiring and down right scary. Scuba diving remains in the category of 'Improve and Proceed with Extreme Caution'

Flying has been in this category up until last October.  I treated the whole thing with watchful meticulous routine and warily eyed interest. Then last year, after a summer of monsoons, cross winds and blown out days, there came a mystical week in October. For six days, in a row, there arrived warm/ cool autumn air, bringing straight and even winds with golden sunsets.

It's incredible what consistency will do. Launching, flying and landing six days in a row, of course, improved my confidence and skills. It also included my personal hook: 'Dramatic improvement'.

Perhaps 'The Bug' is intermediate syndrome, I have read a bit about it. Intermediate syndrome describes making 'choices not in line with one's actual level of experience, skills' and general know how. Regardless of what it is called, I have it, a burning, driving need to understand and accomplish, on my own, continuous improvement.  Along with 'The Bug', my ego now includes the unhappy trait of sensitivity when my choices are second guessed.

Then.... something did not happen to me, it happened to the one who matters most. I listened to the one with a prouder and stronger character than anyone in this world; swallow the first and exemplify the second, and ask for help, feedback and advice.

I think might have found a vaccine for 'The Bug'.

It's called 'Be Quiet and Listen.'


Wednesday, June 18, 2014

Monday, June 16, 2014

Choice

We all have questions
Whispers inside...
And when they come out
We are left to decide,
Whether to speak,
To let Emotion Shout.
When your heart has had enough
When you have found yourself out.

We all have loss and regret
Look Beyond, Look Past
And all the things you carry,
Will fall away at last. 

Tuesday, June 10, 2014

Frankie's Reflection (Personalized Pet Portrait)


'Frankie's Reflection'
**Sold**
Personalized Pet Portrait
18" X 24" X .75"
Acrylics and Oil Pastels

*Sold* https://www.etsy.com/transaction/212469233?

Tuesday, June 3, 2014

Saturday, May 24, 2014

'Wind Woman Sing me a Song' (Original Art)



'Wind Woman Sing me a Song'

11" X 14" 
Heavy Weight Drawing Paper
Permanent markers & Oil Pastels

https://www.etsy.com/listing/190727332/wind-woman-sing-me-a-song-original-fine?ref=shop_home_active_2

**Sold**

Tuesday, May 20, 2014

Moab (2009)


I meant to touch on the camping trip and realized, a month later… that I didn’t.

Moab is…. How to draw Moab?

We arrived in the evening and we started our visit then and there by scrambling around the top of Dead Horse Point. My best sweetheart told me the story of how the place acquired its name and it left me with a tightened throat. Sunset fell completely and the night wind swept up the sheer cliffs, blowing my clothes against me and my hair into snarls. My hands hurt which was interesting. My hands always ache when I am high up. Heights do something to my heart rate too. So although I couldn’t see perfectly, my body knew where I was.

For a woman raised on the east coast for most of her formative years…. Beauty, to me, is the wet grass, the fireflies, the smell of the sea, rain in the afternoon, green everywhere. This was a different world completely.

Moab is a swirling dance of red, orange, and dusty purple during the day. It is fire and brilliant shards of light at dusk. It is a calm grey blue at night.

Silence beats against your ears. Regardless of whether is it a trail with very few companion hikers or if it is where tourism and crowds abound, the silence streams around the shrill echoes of laughter and brushes against your legs, eyes and heart. Silence is alive there.

Towering rocks are temples, they are forbidding and watchful as you pass under them. The ground exhales under your feet and for all the stones, dust, and solid ancient landscape, somehow Moab is vibrantly Alive and Self-Aware. It is an Eerie, and almost Holy place.

There the wind woman is even more wild and dangerous and beautiful. Although I have always loved and distrusted her, I have never felt fear. There, I was so sensitive to my fragile body and her fierce freedom that I was actually afraid.

It was exhilarating.

(2009 07)

Monday, May 19, 2014

'Remember the Light after the Storm' (Original Fine Art)

Sunday evening I landed, I packed and then I stepped away to close my eyes and breathe deeply.  I took a long sip of air slightly chilled with a cold front passing, warmed with early summer rays and sharp with a taste of cut grass and dust.  I have the perfect amount of quiet gratitude in my glass of joy.  

I am lost in time again; looking around at a little eclectic community framed by wild clouds and golden sunset.

And I remember… I am twenty again, twenty and cold.  I hadn't anywhere to go that night and I was afraid to be found by the one person looking.  There was no one to call and no way to call anyway.  I had snow soaked tennis shoes on, a small stash of squirreled away cash in my pockets and the sudden inexplicable belief that I would 'will' myself out of the corner I'd painted myself into.  

I remember this night like it is now; I cup my soul’s hands gently, carefully, around that night with palms full of humble recognition.  That beautiful night I huddled, shaking and shivering, in the shelter of a covered door entry at a closed grocery store. I remember a fire born in darkness and determination.  The heat of it burned my heart, my ribs - the inner flames torched my icy fingers -I would get out of this mess.

I closed my eyes at that moment on that night and I pictured what this would mean, how it would taste, what I would be able to do.  I pictured the road trip Dee and I promised each other, I pictured my identity,  I took my fears of water, of heights, of friendship, of roots and I held them to this fire and watched them burn.  For hours, alone and un-found, until early dawn, I concentrated on this vision.  

I had realized one of my truths, (I have a few now), and this one is a big one.  Maybe an obvious one but that’s the thing about being young- we all start out not knowing anything. 

Truth#4:  We forget that both happiness and storms will come and go and pass.  Again and again. Happiness is such a fleeting, painfully fragile, delicate and wondrous thing. And we forget, as we bask in it's luminous glow, our arms stretched out and up to the welcoming sky, that it will come and go and pass.

Storms, so wild, wicked and dark, as our ship is sinking, ropes lashing in the wind and unsecured sails perilously unfolding; we despair and forget. We forget it will pass. That the heavy suffocating rain will lessen, the clouds will break and the moon will return with stars to guide the way.  

Here is the point; Storms will come all on their own.  Sometimes we may mistakenly steer ourselves into them, sometimes we choose a course that lengthens the duration we ride through them -but storms will come. 

Happiness, while it may seem to 'just happen', happiness is always a choice.  Happiness is in our heads.  Sometimes it is a hard choice, one reached for with grasping hands blinded by pain, loss, or most terribly of all, with regret. 

Happiness was the moment I believed, that night and the nights after, with all I wanted to be; I believed I could and I would figure out how to get out of that situation. And every happiness since then leaves my mortal beating heart shaking with thankfulness to the person inside me trying her best, the man standing beside me and all the people around me reaching out with giving hands.

Remember the light after the storm Reader.  Even if that is all you can do as you hang on to the wheel of your ship, nose into the wind, the world black and your horizon tumbling, remember the light outside of the storm.


'Remember the Light after the Storm'
16" X 20 X .75"
Original Art - Oil Pastels/ Acrylic (Sealed to protect against fading/UV)

Friday, May 16, 2014

Wednesday, May 14, 2014

'Red Fire Dawn' is at Urban Arts Gallery (Salt Lake City, UT)

Friday, 9 May 2014

Urban Arts Gallery  - 137 south Rio Grande Street, Salt Lake City, Utah



Yay for first tries!  

Friday, May 9th I attended CONNECT.  This event occurs every second Friday of each month hosted at Urban Arts Gallery (located in the Gateway mall, SLC, UT), (http://utaharts.org/connect). 

My work, 'Red Fire Dawn' was selected to be displayed for one month, May 9th through June 9th.


My Etsy Shop is now up and running! :) 

https://www.etsy.com/shop/SunflowerPointofView?ref=shopinfo_shophome_leftnav





Sunday, May 11, 2014

Headed Home

Lately, the Wind Woman had been something of a pill, delivering only turbulent rain or half-hearted little breaths of a breeze.  Just in the prior week, on THREE evenings, I stood clipped into my gear, sweating in my full face helmet, fingers fiddling with my lines, staring over my shoulder at the flag on the end of launch.... and no wind....

Additionally I was immersed in family chaos composed of college graduation, dinners, military commissioning, an impromptu bridal shower -All of which a happy series of events, of course, but also loaded with family politics and emotions.  

Naturally, it was fantastic flying conditions the two nights booked with family gatherings....

And then it was Sunday and although the weather was not predicted to be flyable, it was still Sunday, the most lovely day of the week.  I am very fortunate to have a deeply religious family and usually I am left Sunday as my day -no interruptions, no events. Ah Sunday, how I eye this day with excited scheming and anticipation.  

Sunday morning we pulled weeds, hauled branches and after four hours of yardwork, the rental property was a little more presentable.  That afternoon, we hurried to Alta to celebrate closing day by slugging through heavy slushy spring snow and admiring the array of inappropriate costumes and outfits (or lack of ).  

As we returned to the car, my darling man checked the winds on his phone and announced... "Hey! It's flyable!".

Skies and boots were never so quickly shed.  Tearing down the mountain, falling out of the car to swap our ski gear for paragliders, we dashed to the flight park.  

And it was flyable;  we stepped out of the car, into harnesses and off of launch into bouncy and perfectly ahhhhhmazing wind. 

We flew and flew, for around an hour until it was time to head home.



"Headed Home"
"11" X "14" X ".75"
Original Fine Art - Acrylic (Sealed to protect against fading/UV)


***I have decided this piece needs a lovely vibrant background... ;)



Thursday, May 1, 2014

Bike Ride (Original Fine Art)


'Bike Ride'
"20" X "24" X "1.5"
Original Fine Art - Acrylic (Sealed to protect against fading/UV)

Distractions (Original Fine / Contemporary Art)




'Cool Distractions' (left)
16" X 20" X 3/4"'
Original Fine Art - Acrylic (Sealed to protect against fading/UV)












'Warm Distractions' (right)
16" X 20" X 3/4"
Original Fine Art - Acrylic (Sealed to protect against fading/UV)





'Balanced Distractions' (left)
16" X 20" X 3/4"
Original Fine Art - Acrylic (Sealed to protect against fading/UV)










'Measured Distractions' (right)
30" X 24" X 3/4"
Original Fine Art - Acrylic (Sealed to protect against fading/UV)

Thursday, April 24, 2014

Dear Friend - Part 1

Dear Sally,

In 2004, before I found you I had been both to the city animal pound and the humane society twice.  That August I made my first visit to the bi-annual ‘Super Pet Adoption’.

The Super Pet Adoption is an event hosted, financed and promoted by various state and local animal organizations.  On the designated weekend hundreds of animals, (literally), although primarily dogs, are delivered to a parking lot volunteered by a Pet Store.

I wandered through make shift temporary kennels stuffed with hay and covered with tarps to protect enclosed padded feet.  Industrial sized containers were constantly refilled with fresh water and there were land mines of poo in every direction.  The stifling smell of urine, hay and hot asphalt greeted numerous human shoppers.  The scalding late summer sunshine was soaked in saliva.

The dogs knew they were in hell.  They knew one of us was the only way out. It was a frenzy of excited barking, long tongues waving and furry bodies lunging at each person making their way through the narrow maze of kennels. 

I took my time at each enclosure, looking over pinned up cards giving each occupant’s information –breed, age, gender and a quick synopsis of the animal’s background and personality.

After a couple of hours in the exhaustive heat my search had proven unsuccessful.  I started down the last line.  Puppies, pit bulls and mutts alike were quieter, worn out by the hot noise and smells. 

At the second to last pen, I was stopped by a card that started with the words ‘Allie -Australian Sheppard-Lab‘. An Aussie mix?  I was raised by an Aussie. I looked down to find myself being eyed by a very thin, mangy black dog wearing a wicked scar on the inner crook of her left eye. 

Your stare was direct but not aggressive.  You’d crammed yourself into the straw in the further most corner. Your card advised your name was Allie, one to three years old, half black lab, half Aussie, crate trained, recently rescued from the pound by a local rescue.  As you stared at me, I couldn't help staring back and I smiled.

Huh.  I asked for a leash and took you out. You were awkward with me; not knowing what to do with my offered hand, or how to walk on a leash.  You did not recognize any commands, you did not respond to your name but you did continue to stare intently into my eyes.

I decided you were too young, too un-trained, had a very scattered background –the care/worker advised your history comprised of three homes and four rescues or impoundments. 

I sadly asked you one more time, “Sit.”  You sat.   I looked at you.  You looked me. 

I was coaxing you up for a repeat when I glanced over and saw a different person working with a different dog.  Upon repeat, this you again copied them.

I decided to walk away, to think it over.  I called my mother and consulted her.  The other hiccup was I couldn't quite afford you; older dogs were half the cost of younger ones.  She encouraged me to follow my instincts, promising she would fund the other half of the adoption fee.

I went back; I brought you home and renamed you Sally.

When I left the east coast, during my last visit, my physiologist had recommended I always have a dog because an animal distracted me from me.  When I had settled in California for a few weeks, I followed her advice and adopted a much much older dog.  I was fond of him, but his already advanced age helped me keep my distance.  Regardless of how that admission sounds, this is where I was in life.  I lived alone, I moved a lot; I was a ‘gypsy’ as my short term friends would joke.  I belonged with nothing and nothing belonged with me.

The violence of my teen years and divorce relentlessly stalked me. Despite miles of separation, I still woke up nearly every night screaming at 3am. 

I had so little trust in myself - I was afraid of everything.  What is really sad? The person I was at this time was a dramatic improvement from the person I was before.  By the time I had decided to head to  Utah, I was at least functioning. I didn't have public anxiety attacks anymore, I could hold a job, laugh; I paid bills and even began painting a little again.

Oh Sal, I was still such a mess when I met you.  I didn't trust you and you certainly did not trust me; it was an uneasy six months, remember? You cautiously learned basic commands and I diligently walked you every morning and night but we didn't bond.  You had your stories and I had my stories and we kept them to ourselves. 

Then we had a break.  One hot summer afternoon, I’d gotten off work and found an eaten pair of favorite shoes in the living room.  I flipped; yelling, I threw the remains of one at you and stormed into the kitchen to take a breath.  A minute later I calmed down and walked back into the now empty living room to stare in horror at the open door.  You were gone.  

Panic hit my chest like a lead ball.  This apartment was by a very busy street… Dashing out, calling your name, I looked out across the ‘streaming-with-cars’ street, and there you were, sitting by a tree on the grass.  You were staring at me; eyebrows low, mouth tightly shut, anxious eyes waiting.  

I shut up, slowly walked over and sat down next to you. 

I was unspeakably relieved to see you.  You were anxiously relieved I was looking for you. 

I sighed and told you I was sorry.  You sighed in reply and we both relaxed and rested, leaning on each other.  After a while we got up and as we crossed the street together, I realized you were looking for traffic too, just like me….

A couple of nights later I had a dreaded 3am.  Unlike the dog before you, who hid because I frightened him, you came and put your head next to my head, whining to wake me up.  Then you let me cry and hug you.  I never faced a 3am alone again.  After time, 3am came less and less until I realized one day I had not had a 3am in years.

We had an unspoken pact between us, I would always have your back and you would always have mine.  You have never been great with words commands but you are amazing with facial and hand signals.  We went everywhere together, to every fair, festival, shop, park, road trip; we were glued at the hip. I began to be braver and make real friendships and real conversations.  Hell you even went on a couple of dates with me. I chuckle now remembering what a suspicious and disapproving chaperon you were.

A few months after our ‘moment’, I met my knight in shining slightly dented armor and eventually I married my hero, a soaring hawk with sharp intelligent grey blue eyes. Together we live a life of adventure and friendship. 


Today, a decade after you and I first met, I am more than a functioning adult.  I am a thriving human being.  And I know it is in part because you trusted me that I learned to trust me too.  You Sally girl, you were a missing link.






You are old now; I think you are as puzzled by this as I am.  Despite being on a fairly intense regiment of pills, natural food and regular walks, age descends on you anyway. You've not lost any of your 'marbles' but you haven’t any of your legendary patience left for small children and dogs.  I don’t care.  I put you behind baby gates when needed and walk you in the evening when the younger dogs are gone. 

This morning was a really tough morning for you.  You fell trying to stand and fell again trying to go up the stairs.  I watched you hunch your shoulders, resigned; you stayed down, eyebrows lowered. 

I put down what I was doing, got out some more painkillers and while I waited the twenty minutes for them to take effect, I laid your quilt out in the back seat of the car and got your leash and collar.  I could tell they hit when you picked your head up to smile at me and wag your tail.  I helped you stand (painkillers, unfortunately, don’t make you stronger) and get into the car. We picked up my sweetheart for a coffee lunch break.  A couple of nice ladies cooed over you at the coffee shop and you happily visited with them while we ordered.  Afterwards you and I made one more quick stop before heading to a favorite park.

How we laughed as we pulled up.  I let you set the pace and direction and was astonished at how far you wanted to go.  When you were tired, you changed course and headed for the shade in a grove of trees. There you laid down and I sat down.  

You smiled and I smiled. 

You were the first to belong with me and me with you.  Our friendship is the foundation for all the ones that have developed since. You are beloved beyond words.  I know you know I love you but the volume of my gratitude is not something I can adequately express. 

But I'll tell you every day anyway, thank you for helping save me.




Tuesday, April 22, 2014

"Blue Dawn Mountains" (Original Art - Dimensional)


"Red Fire Dawn"
18” X 25” X 1.5” 
Original Fine Art - Acrylic (Sealed to protect against fading/UV)






16” X 21” X 1.5” 
Original Fine Art - Acrylic (Sealed to protect against fading/UV)

This original artwork is comprised of three 8" X 10" X 3/4" canvases that will be mounted to a 16" X 20" X 3/4" canvas bringing the completed work to 16” X 21” X 1.5”.  Here are two examples of backgrounds for the same tree. 

Like this style?  Email me to request a personalized version. 

"Wind Woman" (Original Fine Art - Dimensional)

"Wind Woman"
18” X 25” X 1.5”
Original Fine Art - Acrylic (Sealed to protect against fading/UV)

This original artwork is comprised of three 8" X 10" X 3/4" canvases mounted to a 18" X 24" X 3/4" canvas bringing the completed work to 18” X 25” X 1.5”.  
Available online here

Like this style?  Email me to request a personalized version. 

Monday, April 21, 2014

Tree of Light (Original Fine Art - Dimensional)






"Tree of Light"
22” X 28” X 1.5” 

Original Fine Art - Acrylic (Sealed to protect against fading/UV)







This is an original piece comprised of four 8" X 10" X 3/4" canvases mounted to a 22" X 28" X 3/4" canvas bringing the completed work to 22” X 28” X 1.5”.