'...So we began'
16" x 20"
Oil pastels, acrylic, gels
Friday, March 17, 2017
Thursday, March 16, 2017
Wednesday, February 15, 2017
Postpartum....
Postpartum....
Ladies and Gents I am here to be real about what it meant to have a kiddo. Every single set of parents will have a different story, a different take. Their moments may be so individual they have nothing in common with your moments.
ANNNNNDDDD get this....
Individually parents can and will watch and share in the same exact moment and then both may come away seeing, hearing and remembering it differently then the other.
Crazy huh?
Some pregnancies are harder and some are easier.
Also, some labors are harder, some are easier -
BUT ALL LABOR is hard. So if you are the train that says, 'Gosh, wow, that was life changing and hard!' or the if you are the wreck, 'Holy SMOKES THAT WAS AWFUL', know you are not alone!
Throughout my pregnancy I skied, hiked, power walked, camped. My legs were toned, my belly gigantic, my arms strong, my hair flowed thick and beautifully. My body baked, without conscious effort (outside of my efforts to stay fit and eat well), this tiny perfect human.
Then labor happened.
First seven hours felt like my body and I had joined hands. The contractions came, I breathed, letting out the ache, my body pushing me on.
Then, at 7pm and dialated to 6 1/2, we decided to break my water,
"This may speed up your labor..." the doctor cautioned....
Ya think?
At 9:30p I was at a 9 1/2 and could not catch my breath. My body was running the show. I hung on for dear life. The urge to push was the most unspeakably painful thing.
Turns out I was a bit of a snug fit 'down there'. I cried uncle and thanked modern medicine for drugs as scary shiny long 'scissors' came out.
THREE Hours of pushing later, they hand over a little bitty dark eyed wonder,
I went to sit up a bit to cuddle her close and kinda froze on the inside....
Uh... whose body is this?
For several weeks, my body was a stranger. This is weird. I attempted to rest and heal but as my soft body grew ever more squishy I became a more bewildered...
I am thirty six years old my friends. I know me. I love to be active and my life is fantastic. I tend to be lighthearted, even when maybe I should be more serious... I LOVE mornings and espresso coffee. I have a dark chocolate and pomegranate addiction, eggs and apples are my favorite 'get-full-quick' fix.
Nothing felt or tasted right.
In the hours, days and weeks that followed, I was forlorn and so very tired. My legs ached going upstairs, my left leg and foot were forever falling asleep, (tore my piriformis muscle, very common, feels like the worst sciatic pain ever)....
My hair was still pretty awesome and my skin smooth and pretty but I was so DAMN WEAK; physically, mentally, emotionally. I felt like glass, a semi- sharp word could slice me open and I would bleed about it for days.
Then in one afternoon, I was me again and me was I and clearer... a muddled a description, I know, I know.
It was in the third month. On a cold snowy Tuesday afternoon, I literally felt my body sigh and relax. My hair started to thin to normal in the morning shower. The night before my dreams reappeared (oh how I'd missed dreaming!).
I'm sure there are scientific reasons for the fog lifting but I attribute it to the moment I stumbled across some very candid photos my sweetheart had taken in those first raw tender moments... I had not seen them before.
I clicked through them, studying my face and his....
Whoa.... parents you know. You know all the tepid words that try to relate those expressions.
My summary, (so far), Momma's trust yourself. Trust yourself over any relative's well meaning, or not well meaning, words. Your baby is your baby. You know what your baby needs.
Be kind to you and your partner.
This will pass in a blink. Cherish it, shrug off any eky moments.
Be gentle with yourself.
Sleep when you can. If you can't, stop and rest. Many times I couldn't sleep. Still felt good to lay down for a few minutes and rest.
Becoming a Mommy has eliminated any verbal filter I had before. So... just sayn', be cautious, I will answer and say exactly what I am thinking.
Oh and every morning nap, car ride and day is different.
For example; Yesterday, she slept most of the night. Which means I showered and dressed before she got up. In Fact - I'd packed my hubby's work snacks, started laundry, did the dishes and sat down to look at a position I applied to a month ago BEFORE he got up.
Uh huh, oh yeah, that was me.
Flip that coin and there was today...... three outfits for her and two for me later....
And here I am. I finally have gotten her down to nap by nursing her to sleep (I know, I know, self soothing is a better way to get them to sleep) and instead of hurrying off to brush my teeth, I hold her. I hold and hold and hold her.... because she is precious and beautiful and for this very short time I can hold her and hold her and hold her...
Ladies and Gents I am here to be real about what it meant to have a kiddo. Every single set of parents will have a different story, a different take. Their moments may be so individual they have nothing in common with your moments.
ANNNNNDDDD get this....
Individually parents can and will watch and share in the same exact moment and then both may come away seeing, hearing and remembering it differently then the other.
Crazy huh?
Some pregnancies are harder and some are easier.
Also, some labors are harder, some are easier -
BUT ALL LABOR is hard. So if you are the train that says, 'Gosh, wow, that was life changing and hard!' or the if you are the wreck, 'Holy SMOKES THAT WAS AWFUL', know you are not alone!
Throughout my pregnancy I skied, hiked, power walked, camped. My legs were toned, my belly gigantic, my arms strong, my hair flowed thick and beautifully. My body baked, without conscious effort (outside of my efforts to stay fit and eat well), this tiny perfect human.
Then labor happened.
First seven hours felt like my body and I had joined hands. The contractions came, I breathed, letting out the ache, my body pushing me on.
Then, at 7pm and dialated to 6 1/2, we decided to break my water,
"This may speed up your labor..." the doctor cautioned....
Ya think?
At 9:30p I was at a 9 1/2 and could not catch my breath. My body was running the show. I hung on for dear life. The urge to push was the most unspeakably painful thing.
Turns out I was a bit of a snug fit 'down there'. I cried uncle and thanked modern medicine for drugs as scary shiny long 'scissors' came out.
THREE Hours of pushing later, they hand over a little bitty dark eyed wonder,
I went to sit up a bit to cuddle her close and kinda froze on the inside....
Uh... whose body is this?
For several weeks, my body was a stranger. This is weird. I attempted to rest and heal but as my soft body grew ever more squishy I became a more bewildered...
I am thirty six years old my friends. I know me. I love to be active and my life is fantastic. I tend to be lighthearted, even when maybe I should be more serious... I LOVE mornings and espresso coffee. I have a dark chocolate and pomegranate addiction, eggs and apples are my favorite 'get-full-quick' fix.
Nothing felt or tasted right.
In the hours, days and weeks that followed, I was forlorn and so very tired. My legs ached going upstairs, my left leg and foot were forever falling asleep, (tore my piriformis muscle, very common, feels like the worst sciatic pain ever)....
My hair was still pretty awesome and my skin smooth and pretty but I was so DAMN WEAK; physically, mentally, emotionally. I felt like glass, a semi- sharp word could slice me open and I would bleed about it for days.
Then in one afternoon, I was me again and me was I and clearer... a muddled a description, I know, I know.
It was in the third month. On a cold snowy Tuesday afternoon, I literally felt my body sigh and relax. My hair started to thin to normal in the morning shower. The night before my dreams reappeared (oh how I'd missed dreaming!).
I'm sure there are scientific reasons for the fog lifting but I attribute it to the moment I stumbled across some very candid photos my sweetheart had taken in those first raw tender moments... I had not seen them before.
I clicked through them, studying my face and his....
Whoa.... parents you know. You know all the tepid words that try to relate those expressions.
My summary, (so far), Momma's trust yourself. Trust yourself over any relative's well meaning, or not well meaning, words. Your baby is your baby. You know what your baby needs.
Be kind to you and your partner.
This will pass in a blink. Cherish it, shrug off any eky moments.
Be gentle with yourself.
Sleep when you can. If you can't, stop and rest. Many times I couldn't sleep. Still felt good to lay down for a few minutes and rest.
Becoming a Mommy has eliminated any verbal filter I had before. So... just sayn', be cautious, I will answer and say exactly what I am thinking.
Oh and every morning nap, car ride and day is different.
For example; Yesterday, she slept most of the night. Which means I showered and dressed before she got up. In Fact - I'd packed my hubby's work snacks, started laundry, did the dishes and sat down to look at a position I applied to a month ago BEFORE he got up.
Uh huh, oh yeah, that was me.
Flip that coin and there was today...... three outfits for her and two for me later....
And here I am. I finally have gotten her down to nap by nursing her to sleep (I know, I know, self soothing is a better way to get them to sleep) and instead of hurrying off to brush my teeth, I hold her. I hold and hold and hold her.... because she is precious and beautiful and for this very short time I can hold her and hold her and hold her...
Tuesday, January 10, 2017
Dreams for Aya (Original Art)
Dreams for Aya
12" x 36" x 1.5"
Buttons, thread, paint, gels, sequins, paper birds, flowers and trees were used to playfully create mixed media wall decor portraying the dreams wished for a child.
The finished piece pictured is on a 30" x 15" x 1.5" canvas.
The finished piece pictured is on a 30" x 15" x 1.5" canvas.
Tuesday, January 3, 2017
Jeweled Lady (Original Art)
Jeweled Lady
(In Progress)
18" X 24" X 1.5"
Gels, Acrylics, Sequins, Pastels
Tuesday, December 13, 2016
Wednesday, November 2, 2016
Big Box Store....
My mission today... take Luna, aka 'Looney Tunes' to Day Care/ Bath. Then go to visit hubby at hubby's office. Last, go to big box store with huge list. Return home and put perishables into fridge.
All with Little Blue Bird in tow.
We can DO this!
Timing is critical. Little feathered creature must be recently napped and fed moments prior to her encasement into the highly suspicious and dreaded contraption called a 'car seat'. Plus have Friday chores that MUST be done prior to leaving the house as I know I will not do them when I return.
7am... she awakens. Change, feed, snuggle, dress in day clothes, feed, change, tuck back in for am nap. It is 8:30am.
GO!
Downstairs, push power button for pre-prepped coffee. Shovel yogurt into mouth while it brews.
Crap -forgot am weigh in. Go upstairs. Subtract yogurt...gah... no bueno. Move on!
Try to scold Luna into eating - receive mournful squeaking. Give up and have a cup of coffee on floor with Princess Buttercup to convince her to eat.
9am... Gather, place all necessary items into car (i.e. extra outfit x2 (including a top for me), baby sling, four legged friend hammock and leash etc.)
Dress, apply mascara, brush hair. Empty garbage, double check / add to grocery list, water house plants, do last night's dishes, clean coffee pot, update/ balance monthly bills, switch laundry, empty little box, vacuum -
10:50am... Hear stirrings of starvation and Luna runs downstairs to inform me her charge is awake.
Change, feed, snuggle, play, feed, change, tuck into car seat.
11:50am Load car with infant and canine. Lose more of hearing from outrage of one, celebration from the other.
12:10pm Doggie Daycare. Sit in car extra two minutes to gather resolve.
Get Luna out first. She is a twirling ball of ear piercing fur attached to a leash. Extract second distressed tragic creature. Luna tries to reassure her ward and her cold nose is rewarded with increased vocals.
Realize making scene in parking lot...
Haul both into Daycare...
Attendees are 3x usual. Check in machine is down. Must hand write in. Put baby seat in crook of arm, hang on to puppy with other, scrawl illegibly time, name, date. Sampling of 'Communication' with staff below:
"Hi! This is Luna! She is here for a half day of daycare and a bath."
"Who again? Moona?"
"Luna!"
"LUNA?"
In reply to her name, Luna stands up, paws on the counter and also answers.
The harried person smiles,
"Oh hi squeaky toy, haven't seen you in well over a month or two." She looks at me, "Baby here yet?"
The giant car seat I am clinging to is clearly not obvious enough. I nod. Mind you, we are both shouting over barking. This is freaking tiny girl out and winding Luna to maximum excitement capacity.
I leave with even less hearing.
12:25p Hubby's office. Baby peacefully asleep. No evidence of before scenes to explain my tangled hair and disheveled demeanor. She looks darling with her bow and angelic expression and doesn't stir once for the hour we are there. Office full of males smile at the little sweet peaceful face.
1:40p I load her into the car to leave and hunger wakes her with vengeance, Kiss hubby good bye, sit in parking garage and feed her. Twenty each side plus a pant change.
2:40p Big Box Store.... This was down right entertaining. First the little blue bird has recently napped and fed and has dry pants. She is nothing but bright curious eyes. To prevent the invasion of her space, (and cuz I love that she is so small I can) I carry her in the sling for this expedition. My list is comprehensive and requires canvasing the nearly the entire joint. Every single aisle there is an approach and comment. Naturally the most common one is, "How old?"
What follows is varied. Everything from comrades, "I took mine out at 3 weeks!", a frown, "I took mine out only at 12...".
There are questions about her name, how labor was, how much did she weigh at delivery, or now? Did I get vaccinated for the flu? Am I going to get her vaccinated too? Is she sleeping through the night? Don't let her cry it out! Be sure to let her cry it out!
My favorite? A Costco employee, "Ma'ma, we don't allow dogs in...." he glances into the sling, "Oh, right, sorry!"
PS: I never stopped moving, I smiled and sometimes answered. Every now and again, someone would get a little too close (really, couple of times folks would just lean right on in to my chest) and sunshine would get nervous. Each time, I rubbed her back, kissed her face as she searched my face for clues in a response. She was out by the time we were checking out.
HUGE Shout out to the lady behind me who asked if I needed help unloading and then unloaded my cart before I could accept and then to the lady in the mini van who slammed on her brakes to hustle her hubby out to help me put it all in the car.
4:00p Home, in need a nap and a glass of wine, I settled for chocolate and a cuddle with the darling daring little bird. The thing is this. While the unsolicited advice and judgement was a bit overwhelming, the plethora of genuinely sincere well wishes were bountiful... I felt empowered.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
But seriously, this was one of the most intimidating days I have ever had. Interviewing at General Dynamics was easier. If I can do this, and do it pretty darn ok, then I can do anything.
Hubby was picking up the Luna girl so I could put away perishables
All with Little Blue Bird in tow.
We can DO this!
Timing is critical. Little feathered creature must be recently napped and fed moments prior to her encasement into the highly suspicious and dreaded contraption called a 'car seat'. Plus have Friday chores that MUST be done prior to leaving the house as I know I will not do them when I return.
7am... she awakens. Change, feed, snuggle, dress in day clothes, feed, change, tuck back in for am nap. It is 8:30am.
GO!
Downstairs, push power button for pre-prepped coffee. Shovel yogurt into mouth while it brews.
Crap -forgot am weigh in. Go upstairs. Subtract yogurt...gah... no bueno. Move on!
Try to scold Luna into eating - receive mournful squeaking. Give up and have a cup of coffee on floor with Princess Buttercup to convince her to eat.
9am... Gather, place all necessary items into car (i.e. extra outfit x2 (including a top for me), baby sling, four legged friend hammock and leash etc.)
Dress, apply mascara, brush hair. Empty garbage, double check / add to grocery list, water house plants, do last night's dishes, clean coffee pot, update/ balance monthly bills, switch laundry, empty little box, vacuum -
10:50am... Hear stirrings of starvation and Luna runs downstairs to inform me her charge is awake.
Change, feed, snuggle, play, feed, change, tuck into car seat.
11:50am Load car with infant and canine. Lose more of hearing from outrage of one, celebration from the other.
12:10pm Doggie Daycare. Sit in car extra two minutes to gather resolve.
Get Luna out first. She is a twirling ball of ear piercing fur attached to a leash. Extract second distressed tragic creature. Luna tries to reassure her ward and her cold nose is rewarded with increased vocals.
Realize making scene in parking lot...
Haul both into Daycare...
Attendees are 3x usual. Check in machine is down. Must hand write in. Put baby seat in crook of arm, hang on to puppy with other, scrawl illegibly time, name, date. Sampling of 'Communication' with staff below:
"Hi! This is Luna! She is here for a half day of daycare and a bath."
"Who again? Moona?"
"Luna!"
"LUNA?"
In reply to her name, Luna stands up, paws on the counter and also answers.
The harried person smiles,
"Oh hi squeaky toy, haven't seen you in well over a month or two." She looks at me, "Baby here yet?"
The giant car seat I am clinging to is clearly not obvious enough. I nod. Mind you, we are both shouting over barking. This is freaking tiny girl out and winding Luna to maximum excitement capacity.
I leave with even less hearing.
12:25p Hubby's office. Baby peacefully asleep. No evidence of before scenes to explain my tangled hair and disheveled demeanor. She looks darling with her bow and angelic expression and doesn't stir once for the hour we are there. Office full of males smile at the little sweet peaceful face.
1:40p I load her into the car to leave and hunger wakes her with vengeance, Kiss hubby good bye, sit in parking garage and feed her. Twenty each side plus a pant change.
2:40p Big Box Store.... This was down right entertaining. First the little blue bird has recently napped and fed and has dry pants. She is nothing but bright curious eyes. To prevent the invasion of her space, (and cuz I love that she is so small I can) I carry her in the sling for this expedition. My list is comprehensive and requires canvasing the nearly the entire joint. Every single aisle there is an approach and comment. Naturally the most common one is, "How old?"
What follows is varied. Everything from comrades, "I took mine out at 3 weeks!", a frown, "I took mine out only at 12...".
There are questions about her name, how labor was, how much did she weigh at delivery, or now? Did I get vaccinated for the flu? Am I going to get her vaccinated too? Is she sleeping through the night? Don't let her cry it out! Be sure to let her cry it out!
My favorite? A Costco employee, "Ma'ma, we don't allow dogs in...." he glances into the sling, "Oh, right, sorry!"
PS: I never stopped moving, I smiled and sometimes answered. Every now and again, someone would get a little too close (really, couple of times folks would just lean right on in to my chest) and sunshine would get nervous. Each time, I rubbed her back, kissed her face as she searched my face for clues in a response. She was out by the time we were checking out.
HUGE Shout out to the lady behind me who asked if I needed help unloading and then unloaded my cart before I could accept and then to the lady in the mini van who slammed on her brakes to hustle her hubby out to help me put it all in the car.
4:00p Home, in need a nap and a glass of wine, I settled for chocolate and a cuddle with the darling daring little bird. The thing is this. While the unsolicited advice and judgement was a bit overwhelming, the plethora of genuinely sincere well wishes were bountiful... I felt empowered.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
But seriously, this was one of the most intimidating days I have ever had. Interviewing at General Dynamics was easier. If I can do this, and do it pretty darn ok, then I can do anything.
Hubby was picking up the Luna girl so I could put away perishables
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