Sunday, February 7, 2021

Running

Everything is about motivation right? 

I played hard in my twenties and thirties. But for all my outdoorsy ways, I wasn't exactly in lean condition. I ate too many delicious carbs, worked out infrequently and then had a baby in my late thirties. Shortly after I started having troubles with my back and knees. I started eating better, started exercising and then had another baby. I would soon learn I have a reasonable amount of arthritis in my lower back and a large disk herniation too.  I learned that if I kept moving, it could help me avoid having my lower back fused in the next twenty years.  

So when things shut down nearly a year ago, I knew, regardless of my access to physical therapy or gyms, I would keep at it. 

It's been really cool, this mandatory incorporation of my girls in my exercise. Sometimes it's less fun but mostly it's amazing.  Before I'd always thought I had to make sure I had a sitter, or that there was a spot in babysitting service at the gym.  Now it's like no, if I want to exercise, we're all going to exercise! 

By at last taking ownership excuses are no longer a thing. Screw the extremely hot temperatures and smoke all last summer! We went first thing in the morning. Another weirdly warm winter day? Let's go! Twenty degrees, clean air and no inversion?  Hot water bottle lap warmers and fleece blankets for all! 

Aya has started riding her bike for part of them. When she gets tired, she'll run for a little bit. Eventually...she rides with little Lydi when she's tired. Then it's just Luna and I running again. I toss the bike on top and we keep going. 

Let me tell you about one favorite afternoon.  I'm smiling as I start but I didn't start that one with a smile.  

It all began with a late start. Then we were slowed by unexpected construction. When we finally arrived,  I thought... What if we went further than the planned total three miles? If we went two and a quarter we would be at one of their favorite parks. 

This would be a big ask, going out that far and then having to turn around and come back.  They get pretty antsy at a mile and a half, so I usually turn around at that point, allowing for time to run around at a playground after. 

I talked it over with them and we decided to go for it.  And there were lotsa tears at the mile and a half. Thank God for fruit snacks. I handed over apple sauce to settle the squabble at the two mile mark and we all arrived at their park intact. 

I masked them up, set a reasonable timer and hovered to keep them spaced from others. 

I hate Covid. Stupid everything Covid. Stupid paranoia, stupid virus, stupid everything.  I can hear ya'll holler an amen.  

Eventually it was time to go and I hustled them into the jogger. The first mile was ok.... The next mile was... Loud.. teeth grittingly loud.  Still had granola bars and their water bottles to offer. Aya anxiously wondered if I was "ruining her appetite for dinner." I laughed and assured her that since I was the one who ruined it, it was ok. I knew that they were tired of being squished together. 

A half mile from the car I set Aya free to run with me.  The jogger is so light with just one child and Lydi happily stretches out and my feet felt lighter. 

Aya ran her heart out for a few minute and then she turned, her eyes glowing lavender in the twilight and joyfully laughed, "Mommy, everything looks like a watercolor painting." Lydi was laughing too. Even Luna took a second to toss me an open mouthed full face puppy smile and I know I am mirroring it back. 

It's messy and fun and frustrating and wonderful. And it all started with some serious motivation.

Monday, July 29, 2019

Morning Dreams 8" x 10"


Morning Dreams
8" x 10"
Watercolor

Sunlit Surf 26" x 6"



Sunlit Surf
26" x 6"
Mixed Media



Red Flowers 8" x 10"


Red Flowers
8" x 10" 
Watercolor

Yellow Daisies 8" x 10"


Yellow Daisies
8" x 10"
Watercolor

How to Tame Your Dragon 8" x 10"

How to Tame Your Dragon
8" x 10"
Watercolor

*Sold*

A Beautiful Mess 12" x 16" x 1.5"


A Beautiful Mess
12" x 16" x 1.5"
Mixed Media

Over the Rainbow 8" x 10"



Over the Rainbow
8" x 10"
Watercolor



Gerber Love 12" x 24"



Gerber Love
12" x 24"
Acrylic/ Oil

Bloom Anyway 11" x 14"







Bloom Anyway
11" x 14"
Mixed Media

Not out of Reach 8" x 10"





Not out of Reach
8" x 10" 
Watercolor

Desert Dreaming 8" x 10"





Desert Dreaming
8" x 10"
Watercolor

Autumn Rain (Original Art/ Landscape)



Autumn Rain
24" x 18"

Tuesday, July 2, 2019

Graham crackers

The baby woke up as the husband left to go rock climbing. I went upstairs to try to rock her back to sleep. The toddler crept in quietly, and then spit graham cracker all over the baby's face.

Thankfully she ran away. She ran away to her room. So I just shut the door behind her. Then I went to our room to clean us up in our bathroom and to cool off.

All days include their ups and downs. I know I don't feel good, I know I'm extremely tired... But I feel like I failed all day today.

Isn't that silly? Failed at what? Parenting? Does anyone win at parenting? We did projects, we read books, we sang songs. I promised myself I would shower today, and I probably still will. So failed at what?

I'm really not sure.

I cooled down and we all did bedtime books and songs. "Book time"... Tiny baby girl fights to eat the book, eat me through my shirt and the exasperated toddler grits her teeth over crumbled pages and tries push the baby off her side of my lap to get more space.

I give them all I can and I understand it's all right, that in their books, it is not enough. Most of the time I know this and I move on. Sometimes I know this and I am sorry for them.

Then there's me. When do I get a minute? Soon enough I know. Maybe a few more years yet but time for myself to walk my dog, drink a hot cup of coffee and take regular showers will be here soon enough.

Motherhood is weird. It's amazing, lonely, inspiring and full of tears over odd things...

Like laundry, grainy apples and Graham crackers.