A Portrait of my Cat

Charlie almost caused both of our deaths this morning. 

I was at the counter, filling my three (don't judge) to go coffee mugs with lovely fragrant coffee...mmmm.... coffee to see me through the long journey to my far away place of employment.... happily inhaling as I screwed the last lid on, I turned, He was Right There. 

Big gluey eyes stared up and asked "Why??" 

I tried to step over at the last split second. Sadly, both coffee and I went flying and I landed on my bum next to him.

He had not moved a hair as I had swung violently about to prevent myself from squashing him.

He eyed me.  I glowered at him.

I swear I could hear his inner monologue, "What the hell was that all about? I was just sitting here." 

In all fairness, he was likely 'petting' me with his tail to let me know he had taken up silent residency a quarter of an inch behind my unknowing self. 

This has long been both my heads up and AM greeting of  'Hey human, Good morning, gimme a hug"  ...but as I was wearing a skirt today... I didn't feel it. 

Luna arrived to ask 'What is all the noise about?'  Her sweet face sleepy (Luna doesn't 'do' mornings, seriously, photo below taken after trying to get her up with a treat as a bribe) and her ears pinned back with her anxious question.

Charlie took this as his cue to run (waddle) to her bowl to steal whatever she may not have finished.  He made it about half way before her scrambling toes followed to herd him off of her breakfast.

I got up and cleaned up the perfect coffee now perfectly ruined.  As I finished I turned back to see that cat sitting serenely on the counter (where he does not belong -ever). 

  

Luna below before 8am....

Charlie

I have a cat named Charlie, or also known as 'little dude'. I raised him as I would a dog with the usual 'no', 'down', 'here'.... he listened the first six months or so but now he is deaf. His hearing is currently limited to only a few select sounds; the can opener, the back door opening and my alarm clock.

Sadly, the fact that I have not given him canned cat food in several months has not dulled his glee and hope. I, cruelly, have given him what I am really opening…. Like spinach. He is tenacious though. Someday, the can opener may be opening canned cat food once more.

The back door opening is really an unfortunate choice on his part. I don’t open it often so how he associated it with the concept of the ‘Great Escape’, I don’t know. You would think the regularly opened front door would get that honor. The uncomfortable part is that I only seem to open the back door when I am inappropriately clothed for neighbor viewing. The other awkward part is that Charlie… who is not equipped with any sort of common sense or any sense of self preservation, does not know what to do once he is outside. Which means, at 3am or 3pm and in rain or snow, he will make it about six feet out and then FREEZE. ‘The big world is awfully big’ and now what does a little portly black and white cat do? While he contemplates his choices, I get to stand there calling my suddenly frozen wailing cat (who is deaf to commands) until I give in and go pick him up… I did that once half naked.

The last one is the alarm clock. Also known as the morning and dinner bell. Every morning at 6:45am sharp, the yowling outside the bedroom begins. It does not matter to Charlie if I am sleeping in on Sunday, sicker then death, or just really really comfortable. He will eat immediately or I will pay for it.

Charles is not allowed in the bedroom for many reasons. One of the many reasons are things such as daylight saving time changes. Charlie does not accept daylight savings time changes. What does this have to do with his stomach?