Four days to do as I wish. Genuinely do whatever I wished.
This was an opportunity to do something great rather than sulk at being home alone. I began to feel greedy as the Four Days approached.
Day One was awkward. It was the unsubtle tension of reintroducing me to me. I got up early and found that the morning was surprised to see me with my coffee on the porch before dawn. I ignored how ill at ease I felt and defiantly finished three cups. Wandering back inside, I stared at a half started painting from two weeks ago. Hey, I thought. Hey thought the painting.
I sat down and broke out the paints. The whole day went like this. Even the walk at the park with Sal felt self conscience. I finished the day off with a couple of margaritas and salmon with a side of spinach.
Day Two: I got up early again and took my coffee outside. This time the morning wasn't quite so insultingly startled to see me. We hung out for a bit and then I wandered in and began to draw. Four hours of solid music later I was sunshine soaked and my hands blackened with chalk. I emerged feeling shy and withdrawn and excited. The drawing honestly isn't my best at all but it is my first in many many many many many days.
It felt so good. I can't express to you how good. Like taking a long cold gulp of water after hours of wishing for one. I was full from a meal of absolute oneness with me. I felt covetous and wanted to keep going. I almost resented that I had made other plans.
I drove south spent the rest of the ENTIRE day with my mother. We ate too much Indian food; we shopped for over three hours, we made watches with bright daring beads and snacked on assorted chocolate dipped things and chips with yummy artichoke dip. Ah…. So good….I arrived home satisfied smiling and elated.
Day Three: Today.... The weeks of tension that have twisted my fingers into knots, is relaxing. The rain hums and laughs. All disjointed colors turn to purple and yellow and at last I can inhale deeply. With only my dog and the Wind Woman for company, I cupped my steaming coffee in both my hands; lost and found in this cool grey morning and my oversized comfy holey sweater.
I am very sorry that this spontaneous and short sabbatical is ending. I wish there were a way to stay in this rain filled dream of music and creativity and margaritas.
Mostly I am grateful. Presently satisfied from a large meal, it hopefully will be a while before I remember the pangs of hunger.
Plus I really miss my guy.
