Lalalalalalala.... pregnancy isn't so bad!
My hair is GORGEOUS! My skin glows! The whole shave your legs and the hair grows back by morning, well that is a bit annoying but it's okay! I eat the same foods (except anything tomato sauce based, everything tomato sauced based has expired). Weight gain has been manageable with careful diet and reasonable exercise.
I sleep like the dead and I am so happy.
So happy!!
Most of the time.... but when I am not happy.......
Then the world crashes and burns. Torrential down pours of drowning rain bring death and destruction and sweep everything into a pit of eternal despair.
It can be funny to retell these stories, I have had co-workers in tears laughing as I related the antics of my three year old brain but in all seriousness, it is kind of terrifying.
Usually I am an overly full of serotonin and lighthearted kind of human.... but when this new inner toddler hijacks my body, mouth and emotions.... I morph into something I don't recognize.
Harpy is defined as "a rapacious monster described as having a woman's head and body and a bird's wings and claws or depicted as a bird of prey with a woman's face."
Just a couple of days ago, I suddenly and inexplicably started to erupt snarky cutting comments, to vocalize off topic and sometimes slightly cruel observations until a certain person started to at last react. THEN as a indefensible defense mechanism, I promptly dissolved into inconsolable tears and tragic desolation.
Intelligently, this person stopped to give me a coffee break/ potty break (and himself a sanity break) at the first gas station.
I hurried to the bathroom to wash my face in cold water and then hide in the safety of a stall but the power combo of my blood shot eyes, flushed cheeks, sticky blond hair and ever expanding tummy inspired two very sweet ladies to barge in and herd me out so they could rub my back, and tummy, and tell me "todo estará bien" over and over again.
In my shaky bewildered and forlorn state, I gratefully drank in their kindness. I let them embrace me and attempt to dry my salty and saturated face with their hand stitched hankies...
Eventually I emerged and brought my coffee to the heavily leathered, seven foot, salt and pepper breaded, masculine person behind the counter. This giant towered over to pat my hand, tell me the coffee was on the house and ask if he needed to fix any trouble I might be in....
And then reason suddenly blinked it's lights back on....how nice of it to FINALLY show up!
I took stock of my current place in the world. Shame and horror combined with a dark inner snicker as I realized the complete and absolute ridiculousness of my situation...
I attempted to give a small reassuring smile at the good intentions of the deeply tanned tattooed human anxiously watching me.
Mischievously.... I almost giggled. I almost restarted the water works.
It was a deeply conflicted moment as I realized this all had begun because earlier the car was locked for a minute and I had then waited for about another minute for it to be unlocked it and then... and then... we just drove off...
I didn't get to go potty....
That. Was. The. Trigger.
I turned to face the doors of doom and the person (who I had just poured a ten gallon bucket of irrational outraged accusations on) who sat grimly, quietly in the car waiting for me...
He couldn't exactly have followed me in... our little four legged friend requires the car's air conditioning to be on full blast this time of year.
I sighed and began the second longest walk of my life out of that dusty gas station. I glumly climbed in, my face turning redder by the second as I silently replayed the events of the last three hours to myself and hunched my shoulders over for a silent new bawl at my surmise....
My plea is pathetic but I must submit it regardless.
Reader it was pregnancy induced insanity....
again....
My hair is GORGEOUS! My skin glows! The whole shave your legs and the hair grows back by morning, well that is a bit annoying but it's okay! I eat the same foods (except anything tomato sauce based, everything tomato sauced based has expired). Weight gain has been manageable with careful diet and reasonable exercise.
I sleep like the dead and I am so happy.
So happy!!
Most of the time.... but when I am not happy.......
Then the world crashes and burns. Torrential down pours of drowning rain bring death and destruction and sweep everything into a pit of eternal despair.
It can be funny to retell these stories, I have had co-workers in tears laughing as I related the antics of my three year old brain but in all seriousness, it is kind of terrifying.
Usually I am an overly full of serotonin and lighthearted kind of human.... but when this new inner toddler hijacks my body, mouth and emotions.... I morph into something I don't recognize.
Harpy is defined as "a rapacious monster described as having a woman's head and body and a bird's wings and claws or depicted as a bird of prey with a woman's face."
Just a couple of days ago, I suddenly and inexplicably started to erupt snarky cutting comments, to vocalize off topic and sometimes slightly cruel observations until a certain person started to at last react. THEN as a indefensible defense mechanism, I promptly dissolved into inconsolable tears and tragic desolation.
Intelligently, this person stopped to give me a coffee break/ potty break (and himself a sanity break) at the first gas station.
I hurried to the bathroom to wash my face in cold water and then hide in the safety of a stall but the power combo of my blood shot eyes, flushed cheeks, sticky blond hair and ever expanding tummy inspired two very sweet ladies to barge in and herd me out so they could rub my back, and tummy, and tell me "todo estará bien" over and over again.
In my shaky bewildered and forlorn state, I gratefully drank in their kindness. I let them embrace me and attempt to dry my salty and saturated face with their hand stitched hankies...
Eventually I emerged and brought my coffee to the heavily leathered, seven foot, salt and pepper breaded, masculine person behind the counter. This giant towered over to pat my hand, tell me the coffee was on the house and ask if he needed to fix any trouble I might be in....
And then reason suddenly blinked it's lights back on....how nice of it to FINALLY show up!
I took stock of my current place in the world. Shame and horror combined with a dark inner snicker as I realized the complete and absolute ridiculousness of my situation...
I attempted to give a small reassuring smile at the good intentions of the deeply tanned tattooed human anxiously watching me.
Mischievously.... I almost giggled. I almost restarted the water works.
It was a deeply conflicted moment as I realized this all had begun because earlier the car was locked for a minute and I had then waited for about another minute for it to be unlocked it and then... and then... we just drove off...
I didn't get to go potty....
That. Was. The. Trigger.
I turned to face the doors of doom and the person (who I had just poured a ten gallon bucket of irrational outraged accusations on) who sat grimly, quietly in the car waiting for me...
He couldn't exactly have followed me in... our little four legged friend requires the car's air conditioning to be on full blast this time of year.
I sighed and began the second longest walk of my life out of that dusty gas station. I glumly climbed in, my face turning redder by the second as I silently replayed the events of the last three hours to myself and hunched my shoulders over for a silent new bawl at my surmise....
My plea is pathetic but I must submit it regardless.
Reader it was pregnancy induced insanity....
again....
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