Walking in from work I am ready to glory and wallow in the alone-time (husband has work things this week). I have already drawn up a plan that includes a delicious pesto tilapia (thank you Costco) and a side of freshly sauteed spinach dinner for one. Then I will give myself a little facial (mask, etc.) while watching Mocking-jay Part One and working on sketches.
About this time it should be cool enough to take the dogs (presently have two, mine and my Mom's older canine, Milly) for a walk/run. I will then come home, take a gloriously long hot shower, prepare for bed and sleep lots.
SIGH OF HAPPINESS!
Stupid plans.
I walk in from work; traffic was a little white knuckle but I am home and so who cares! I smile at and hug little Luna and give Char a kiss hello before retrieving Milly from the upstairs landing.
Goodness the house stinks like pee a bit. I investigate but find nothing so I let the dogs out and go to start dinner. Unfortunately partner left dirty dishes in the sink from the dinner I made on Sunday and I need these dishes to make dinner. Staring at them with outrage does not render them clean so I decide to change the order of my plan. I start my mask and movie and let the dogs back inside to eat dinner.
As I start on dishes, I immediately have to stop and break apart an argument between Mom's dog and Charlie, the cat-dog. I put Milly outside to eat her dinner and come back in as Charlie chucks on kitchen floor.
Take a deep breath
-UGH bad idea, house stinks! Clean up up-chuck and re-check house for pee. Nothing. Empty litter box, take out trash, wash hands and start on dishes again. Movie is ten minutes in. Pause movie. Remember still have mask on; wash now overly dried out face.
Trip on cat-dog while trying to finish dishes. Finish dishes, start dinner, start movie, sit down. Goodness, why does house smell like pee? ....what is that noise?
Hear dogs woofing loudly, excitedly - suspiciously check... THEY ARE DIGGING A CRATER under the stairs outside! Forget to pause movie, dash into yard scolding; dusty dogs scatter and I get the smaller hand shovel and fill in the cavern. Sprinkle generous amount of chili pepper on top to detour further efforts.
Vaguely hear timer in kitchen going off over the movie sounds emitting from the window. CRAP! Hurry inside and rescue fish, start spinach, sit down and eat fish first as spinach is not done. Morosely chew and decide movie is going to have to keep going from where it is...
Get up to check/ stir spinach and in the TWO seconds that I have around to do so, Char hops onto the forbidden counter and chows down the last of my wonderful fish. I feel certain my eyes will melt that cat but his defiant stare is equal and he torpedos to safety before I can swat at him.
Hear commotion outside, turn to the door with feeling of doom and see two dusty happy dogs, tears streaming down their reddish noses from digging in chili laden mine.
Resigned, I turn back and save spinach, I do not go outside; instead I eat spinach directly from the pan (plate has cat hair on it), put dishes in sink and clean them. I turn off movie, then go outside, re-fill the pit, wipe off dogs, let them in and go upstairs to get shoes for walk/run.
At last discover the source of the pee stink; an Awful big stain on carpet in second room... Searching through the house for several minutes I find the carpet shampooer, fill it with hot water and soap and bring it upstairs. Hear cat howling and go back downstairs to break up argument between cat-dog and Mom's dog.
I stood there like an idiot for a minute holding Milly's collar, as she blithely wags her tail while Luna happily chews on her face. If I put her back out, the crater will re-appear. If I leave her downstairs, Char and her will be at it again. If I brought her upstairs the carpet cleaning machine will scare her.
You have a crate for Luna you block head. Oh right, I put her in there.
Back upstairs, I use up all of the hot water trying to get it out. It's pretty dry when I started so it had to have happened very early in the day. About twenty minutes later I call it good enough, mostly because it's getting dark and I can't see it.
Finally I put on my running shoes and get the two dogs in collars and on leashes, doggie bags, treats, chap stick and phone in my pocket and head to the park.
I am going to skip a description of the walk/run. Suffice to say that both dogs were relatively very good and the sunset was very nice. I also saw a couple of friends there but I was distracted by the two pulling me in different directions.
I go home and this is the only part that works out. I take a really really long blistering hot soapy shower. And it is lovely. I decide, while turning into a pink prune, that this is the only part that really mattered.
I go to bed, I am tired and when sweet husband comes in, trying very hard to be quiet and unintentionally waking my badly desired doze off, I forgive him - the shower was amazing and I missed seeing his face today.
I tell him about the dishes and pee and he confesses "Oh, I forgot about the dishes. And the sprinklers were on this morning so I hurried them back in so they would't get muddy."
Reader.... which stinks/ stains more? Pee? or a bit of dirt?
I do not punch this person. I choose to ignore this confession and go to sleep. I will make another try for my plan tomorrow.
1:48am
Hear desperate quiet whining and I stagger up to let Luna go outside to pee...
Thing is she must have been begging for a potty for a while. As I open the bedroom door she is already peeing herself. It is everywhere, the baby gate that encloses Milly to the upstairs? Unexpected, it surprises her frantic dash and she is peeing now where Milly did the day before.
I am hissing at her to go downstairs, I am trying to get the baby gate open and let Luna and her peeing self down while in the meantime Milly is trying to make a break for it to get Charlie, (Char was apparently sleeping on the stairs -why? To torment Milly probably. Who knows, He has a bed on the couch, on the chair, a blanket on the other chair -THE WORLD is Charlie's bed, why the friggn' stairs???).
I am blind as a bat without contacts in and running into all of them. Finally I get Luna outside and start to clean up the puddles, working backwards. The giant one in the kitchen, the drops on the stairs, the puddle on top of Milly's prior puddle.
I do the best I can for not breaking out the carpet cleaner at this hour. I will have to re-do it all tomorrow afternoon after work. It will have to sit and stink until then.
I retrieve Luna, who is all apologies and hurries herself back to bed. Char tries to also apologize by weaving between my legs so that I nearly fall and break my neck. Milly offers her's with kisses on the back of my legs as I pat her good night in passing.
I check the time.
2:41am.
WHY DOES ANYONE HAVE PETS?????
And then I start to laugh.....I have to get up and hide in the bathroom snickering until I can calm down.
That person on the other side of the bed? He never moves. I am pretty sure the male race can sleep through a global event. They are impervious to nightly chaos. Although, in all fairness, this one just made it through another 15 hour work-related day.
I write to you with this declaration of war.
Tomorrow Reader. Tomorrow I am going to execute my plan. If the weather is co-operative I will trade mask/ movie for flying. The rest of the plan stays in effect.
...After I clean up the pee. Again.
About this time it should be cool enough to take the dogs (presently have two, mine and my Mom's older canine, Milly) for a walk/run. I will then come home, take a gloriously long hot shower, prepare for bed and sleep lots.
SIGH OF HAPPINESS!
Stupid plans.
I walk in from work; traffic was a little white knuckle but I am home and so who cares! I smile at and hug little Luna and give Char a kiss hello before retrieving Milly from the upstairs landing.
Goodness the house stinks like pee a bit. I investigate but find nothing so I let the dogs out and go to start dinner. Unfortunately partner left dirty dishes in the sink from the dinner I made on Sunday and I need these dishes to make dinner. Staring at them with outrage does not render them clean so I decide to change the order of my plan. I start my mask and movie and let the dogs back inside to eat dinner.
As I start on dishes, I immediately have to stop and break apart an argument between Mom's dog and Charlie, the cat-dog. I put Milly outside to eat her dinner and come back in as Charlie chucks on kitchen floor.
Take a deep breath
-UGH bad idea, house stinks! Clean up up-chuck and re-check house for pee. Nothing. Empty litter box, take out trash, wash hands and start on dishes again. Movie is ten minutes in. Pause movie. Remember still have mask on; wash now overly dried out face.
Trip on cat-dog while trying to finish dishes. Finish dishes, start dinner, start movie, sit down. Goodness, why does house smell like pee? ....what is that noise?
Hear dogs woofing loudly, excitedly - suspiciously check... THEY ARE DIGGING A CRATER under the stairs outside! Forget to pause movie, dash into yard scolding; dusty dogs scatter and I get the smaller hand shovel and fill in the cavern. Sprinkle generous amount of chili pepper on top to detour further efforts.
Vaguely hear timer in kitchen going off over the movie sounds emitting from the window. CRAP! Hurry inside and rescue fish, start spinach, sit down and eat fish first as spinach is not done. Morosely chew and decide movie is going to have to keep going from where it is...
Get up to check/ stir spinach and in the TWO seconds that I have around to do so, Char hops onto the forbidden counter and chows down the last of my wonderful fish. I feel certain my eyes will melt that cat but his defiant stare is equal and he torpedos to safety before I can swat at him.
Hear commotion outside, turn to the door with feeling of doom and see two dusty happy dogs, tears streaming down their reddish noses from digging in chili laden mine.
Resigned, I turn back and save spinach, I do not go outside; instead I eat spinach directly from the pan (plate has cat hair on it), put dishes in sink and clean them. I turn off movie, then go outside, re-fill the pit, wipe off dogs, let them in and go upstairs to get shoes for walk/run.
At last discover the source of the pee stink; an Awful big stain on carpet in second room... Searching through the house for several minutes I find the carpet shampooer, fill it with hot water and soap and bring it upstairs. Hear cat howling and go back downstairs to break up argument between cat-dog and Mom's dog.
I stood there like an idiot for a minute holding Milly's collar, as she blithely wags her tail while Luna happily chews on her face. If I put her back out, the crater will re-appear. If I leave her downstairs, Char and her will be at it again. If I brought her upstairs the carpet cleaning machine will scare her.
You have a crate for Luna you block head. Oh right, I put her in there.
Back upstairs, I use up all of the hot water trying to get it out. It's pretty dry when I started so it had to have happened very early in the day. About twenty minutes later I call it good enough, mostly because it's getting dark and I can't see it.
Finally I put on my running shoes and get the two dogs in collars and on leashes, doggie bags, treats, chap stick and phone in my pocket and head to the park.
I am going to skip a description of the walk/run. Suffice to say that both dogs were relatively very good and the sunset was very nice. I also saw a couple of friends there but I was distracted by the two pulling me in different directions.
I go home and this is the only part that works out. I take a really really long blistering hot soapy shower. And it is lovely. I decide, while turning into a pink prune, that this is the only part that really mattered.
I go to bed, I am tired and when sweet husband comes in, trying very hard to be quiet and unintentionally waking my badly desired doze off, I forgive him - the shower was amazing and I missed seeing his face today.
I tell him about the dishes and pee and he confesses "Oh, I forgot about the dishes. And the sprinklers were on this morning so I hurried them back in so they would't get muddy."
Reader.... which stinks/ stains more? Pee? or a bit of dirt?
I do not punch this person. I choose to ignore this confession and go to sleep. I will make another try for my plan tomorrow.
1:48am
Hear desperate quiet whining and I stagger up to let Luna go outside to pee...
Thing is she must have been begging for a potty for a while. As I open the bedroom door she is already peeing herself. It is everywhere, the baby gate that encloses Milly to the upstairs? Unexpected, it surprises her frantic dash and she is peeing now where Milly did the day before.
I am hissing at her to go downstairs, I am trying to get the baby gate open and let Luna and her peeing self down while in the meantime Milly is trying to make a break for it to get Charlie, (Char was apparently sleeping on the stairs -why? To torment Milly probably. Who knows, He has a bed on the couch, on the chair, a blanket on the other chair -THE WORLD is Charlie's bed, why the friggn' stairs???).
I am blind as a bat without contacts in and running into all of them. Finally I get Luna outside and start to clean up the puddles, working backwards. The giant one in the kitchen, the drops on the stairs, the puddle on top of Milly's prior puddle.
I do the best I can for not breaking out the carpet cleaner at this hour. I will have to re-do it all tomorrow afternoon after work. It will have to sit and stink until then.
I retrieve Luna, who is all apologies and hurries herself back to bed. Char tries to also apologize by weaving between my legs so that I nearly fall and break my neck. Milly offers her's with kisses on the back of my legs as I pat her good night in passing.
I check the time.
2:41am.
WHY DOES ANYONE HAVE PETS?????
And then I start to laugh.....I have to get up and hide in the bathroom snickering until I can calm down.
That person on the other side of the bed? He never moves. I am pretty sure the male race can sleep through a global event. They are impervious to nightly chaos. Although, in all fairness, this one just made it through another 15 hour work-related day.
I write to you with this declaration of war.
Tomorrow Reader. Tomorrow I am going to execute my plan. If the weather is co-operative I will trade mask/ movie for flying. The rest of the plan stays in effect.
...After I clean up the pee. Again.
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