Monday, November 30, 2009

Dogs

I woke up at 3:11am.

I was in a borderline panic attack when I saw the time. This could be a red night; 3am is the witching hour. I tried not to toss for about twenty minutes before finally getting up, taking a couple of pillows and retrieving a blanket from the hall closet. I made my way to the living room couch and attempted to settle in. My muscles were tense and my head too foggy to find a good position.

The blanket kept twisting wrong and I was cold. I gave up as my Charlie the cat came down to inhabit my lap. He settled in and offered his exceptionally loud purring as his consolation as he began kneading his paws gently into my tummy. I threw an arm over my eyes and tried to breathe deeply.

He found me unwilling to cuddle him properly so after about ten minutes, he abandoned me and curled up on the neighboring chair.

I sighed and tried to not grit my teeth in aggravation. The house was silent. The couch was sagging, the pillows were lumps of potatoes and just as my urgent desire to sleep was about to peak into a tearful tantrum, I heard the bedroom door squeak open.

Padded feet softly made their way into the living room. I heard the whisper of fur, watched a shadow pass across the room and then my Sal laid her head on my stomach over my anxiously folded hands.

I love dogs. I love the relationship you can build with them. I love the way I know when she is hurt or anxious and how she knows this about me too. I took a deep breath and ran my nervous fingers through the silky hair around her ears and then took another deep breath. She took deep breaths with me and calm slipped through my hands and spread up my arms.

After a couple of minutes, Sal sighed quietly and lay down next to the couch with her head on her paws so that I could still lightly touch the top of her head.

The tension in my mouth and my thoughts calmed from chaotic colors and disjointed dreams to a blur of purple and yellow. The past relaxed and stopped twisting my fingers into knots. Sal sighed again and I sighed too and finally I fell asleep.

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