Arizona (Dreaming Part One) Ch. 3 - 4

Chapter 3
Arizona, 1985
Hot

Arizona and I did not agree.  On the first day we all arrived, I’d hurriedly hopped out of the van, anxious to be outside and not liking to wear shoes; I burnt my feet on the pavement.   No King of the Sea, morning clouds and rare trees; I somberly advised my Mom, "Arizona is not a friend".  In reply I got a checked smile and hug.

My Dad’s mom, Granny is here. She cries a lot. My aunt, Dad’s only sister, lives here too.  She has wild dark eyes and dark flowing hair.  Her newest husband is jealous of her art but she is an artist anyway.

School is frightening and loud.  I am still smaller than anyone my age.  I do not make friends and I am unable to talk to the other kids; their words weren't like mine.  I try to be careful, always stand with a wall to my back, watching the other kids pee on the hall way walls, fight in the class room and steal anything left out.  I spend more and more time thinking up stories and other places.   I talk to my Wind Woman and pretend I am at my Grandparent’s house.  

I have a new sister one day.  It was very sudden on a stormy night; hail poured out of a black sky, pounding the dry earth and she was suddenly there.  I was in the open garage, staring out at the lightening when Dad came and talked to me in a serious quiet voice.  The hail was so loud I couldn't hear him but I tried to look like I could because his face was very serious.

Another happy event was the family’s acquisition of Bird. Bird generally hated everyone but he was very beautiful.  One day I wanted to show my new friend Bird.  Trouble was first, the cage was too high up to really see into it and second, Bird would bite hard enough to break skin.  A viable solution seemed to get a dish towel and carefully get Bird out with it.

Just as I had successfully pulled the squawking creature out to triumphantly show it to my friend; we heard a noise behind them -a throat being cleared.  Nearly frozen with fear we turned saucer sized stares to the living room to see an angry adult armed with a broom. 

My friend bolted out the front door, never to return, as I fled to the back yard.  I was not quick enough.  The broom cornered and caught me there.

Chapter 4
Arizona, Summer of 1986

Dust and a Dog

It was hot during the day but now it is cold and dark.  Everyone is bigger than me.  I am afraid of the darkness.  Monstrous shadows are thrown by the campfire light and they dance around me with long fingers of dread.  I shiver when they touch me. 

My big brother and Dad are with the others sitting around the sizzling loud fire. A dog, twice my size is following me too.  Everyone likes it but I am afraid of its black coat, yellow teeth and eyes.  They are all talking about the end of the world, devils, spirits and inspirations. I am uncomfortable.  After all, my Wind Woman said it is all nonsense.  She whispered that all of these imagined fears are projections of our own selves. Luckily, I am a girl and younger than everyone else so when I close my ears to the ugly feelings near the fire and sneak off into a tent to hide, I am unnoticed.  

I tried to stay awake but my rebelliously heavy eyes keeping shutting and suddenly I am hiking up a massive cliff.  Wild wind screams and tries to push me and my Dad and big brother off the cliff’s face.  Dust blasts our eyes and the sun is baking us into the rock.  There are words in the wind.

“Keep going!” Dad shouts.  He is tall, handsome and brave.  We hunker against the wall and drive forward to follow him.  Others below distantly call us back as we push on.  Behind us, Jared, my dream guide, follows me closely.  I look up to him for reassurance but he says nothing.

After an eternity, we made it to the top. Dad points to a sculpture of a man holding a box.  It is built high on the mountain, he says it is truth.  Drops offs surround us and I can no longer see the bottom it is so far away.  I look at the statue and it is beautiful; it is amazing and lofty.  We made it!

Then, the wretched wild wind tore away a piece of the statue’s face and then another piece and another!  To our horror it all collapses into sand, the fine grains scattering away.  I begin to shriek, “We must go back; I want to go home!” The Wind Woman sings a high pitched note and she catches me as I blow off the side.

I wake up in the tent.  Dog is curled around me and we are warm together.  My fists are clenched; my fingernails bite into its coat.  Dog whines, telling me it hurts, asking me to let go. I do let go and smooth its hair down.  Dog’s yellow eyes see me and suddenly I see Dog too.  I see it is also afraid of the loud crackling fire and the ominous shadows...  I lay down again and together we sleep safe.